urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:abloodymelody The drones work hard before they die cori!!!! 2008-02-29T07:53:12Z urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:abloodymelody:43486 2008-02-29T07:53:12Z 2008-02-29T07:53:12Z the doors-riders on the storm only in&nbsp; dreams<br />would i want to wake up<br />and see your face<br />but in reality<br />if that happend<br />i feel my stomach dry heaving<br />cause you make me want&nbsp;<br />to vomit.<br /><br /><br />your name has no face<br />and your face has no clairty<br />and in this mess of contradiction<br />that you have left me standing in<br />your shit<br />your lies<br />where do i belong?<br /><br />i had no part<br />but yet i feel as though i did<br /><br />your life<br />the way you live it<br />makes no sense<br />why do i have to belong in it<br />i dont wanna<br />i dont wanna&nbsp;<br />i dont wanna hear your name<br />(too bad its a common one)<br /><br />your "feelings" i can honestly say<br />were bull shit<br />along with what you say about me<br />and now,<br />what you do repeat about me<br />are 100 percent true<br />i changed you<br />pff<br />for one minute<br />you could actually tell the truth<br /><br />yes i did&nbsp;<br />yes i did<br />i did it<br />i might have broken something<br />but its bull shit about your heart<br />you never had oine to begin with<br />so lets not lie to eachother<br />i forgot<br />your a lier.<br /><br /><br />to this person,<br />you honestly broke MY heart,<br />i never knew someone could do this to me<br />and i never knew that i could cry<br />silently.<br /><br /><br />fuck your life<br />fuck you "wife"<br />and most of all&nbsp;<br />fuck you.<br /><br /><br /><br />note: it took me all of less then 2 min to write this<br />it all had to come out<br />to bad it sounds like a crappy sick sad ballad<br />to this person,<br />i hope when you read it<br />you find something out of it<br />for the clueless person that you are<br />the lier<br />the bullshitter<br />the asshole,<br />in which i am talking about&nbsp;<br />...<br /><br />you become REAL<br />or somewhat. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:abloodymelody:43024 2008-01-02T03:37:57Z 2008-01-02T03:37:57Z jai guru de vam &nbsp;i had a dream last night,&nbsp;<br />and i actually had balls to buy a gun<br />and shoot my self.<br />i then awoke<br />but saddend<br />my dream had not come true<br />still have no balls<br />and no dreams.<br /><br />and only i can pull my self out of this funk<br />but you know what<br />i would still rather not exist<br />the people that inhabit this world make me sick<br />their heads are just shoved so far up there ass<br />i think they forgot to pull out<br />and realize&nbsp;<br />that real people live in this world to<br />and just because your jealous&nbsp;<br />that i was a person too<br />with a heart bigger then yours<br />and the sad thing is<br />you win<br />people would rather kill them selves<br />then to have to deal with you<br /><br />i should have lit my self on fire<br />then maybe you would have never came around.<br /><br /><br /><br /><br />-cori<br />(not depressed, just fucking annoyed at the human race at the moment)<br />come on just say it, you treat me like a bad habit urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:abloodymelody:42922 2007-10-04T21:54:02Z 2007-10-04T21:54:02Z peace and quiet <p>vacation. sanity. hooray!<br /><br />12 days out of the house,<br />i love and will miss chels who is in china, with the almond eye'd freaks, :)<br />I LOVE MY ROOMIE<br />things will be looking up soon, i can feel it.<br /><br />it will probably be another 9 weeks before i update again,<br />ciao<br /><br /><br />cor</p> urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:abloodymelody:42593 2007-08-02T20:34:54Z 2007-08-02T20:34:54Z 30 seconds to mars these live journal updates are so completly random, but i felt one was needed now, so here i go.<br /><br />before i spill in to the "life sucks right now" spiel,&nbsp; i think ill start off by saying who i am now, since the last time i wrote in here, i was in high school i think?<br />well any ways here i go:<br /><br />- jobless. hate retail.<br />- i am moving to new zeland in less then a year.<br />- soon to be a european nomad.<br />- hate people who you do things for cause their family and then threaten me cause things dont go there way. some cousin i had right?<br />- drugs=lameness- been there done that, ill stick to pot.<br />- yay for moving out soon!<br />- also another hooray for savings bonds, fuck college i think ill spend it on my nomad trip<br />- love love love adam<br /><br />life is a mess, i am forever walking on eggshells.<br />i miss a person who basically doesnt even exist anymore, 19 years down the drain.<br />flakey people suck.<br />i am a flakey person, so therefore i suck.<br />i just need to get the hell out of this country.<br />ill send a postcard.<br />ciao.<br /><br />xoxo,cori urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:abloodymelody:42438 2007-04-05T17:58:18Z 2007-04-05T17:58:18Z i can hear everything. <p>my family is in san francisco.<br />my heart is in san diego.<br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br />new roads form on this drive to LIFE. there is a split uphead...which road do i take?<br />do i grow up?<br />or do i stay...and wait for something new to come along?<br /><br /><br />i wish life could be like the movie garden state.<br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /></p> urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:abloodymelody:42018 2007-03-26T20:21:59Z 2007-03-26T20:21:59Z it seems as though i have found myself in a pit of fury, one that i have spun deeply out of control to the point where&nbsp; there is this deep pit...in which i am stuck in.<br /><br />i cant seem to find a way out of California. everyone wants in, but i want OUT. ill trade anyone out of this state or even better COUNTRY for a couple months. i just need to get my head screwed on tight.&nbsp; urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:abloodymelody:41803 2007-03-13T19:01:49Z 2007-03-13T19:01:49Z keyboards <p>i am nuts.<br />you see, i am in love with a boy...a boy who was one of my best friends. long story short about the past, the present...i recently told him how i felt, he was "flattered" but needed time cause he had just gotten out of a two year relationship. he is leaving soon for life (leaving sd that is) and i have not talked to him since i have told him. i am crazy in love dude. i cant stop thinking about this kid who i used to think was my little brother and now i have deeper feelings for him. what do i do...i am so&nbsp; lost.&nbsp;i miss him.<br /><br />today my horoscope says "do it! why would you fail? you cant imagine him saying no to you."<br />but the thing of it is, i can and i cant. son of a b.<br /><br />life is crazy, eh? who would have thought.<br /><br /><br />i guess ill just stick to my imaginary husband...jared leto.</p> urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:abloodymelody:41648 2007-03-13T07:02:55Z 2007-03-13T07:02:55Z 30 seconds to mars <p>i am a burn out.<br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br />fuk you dude.</p> urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:abloodymelody:41417 2007-02-01T23:33:43Z 2007-02-01T23:36:38Z i just want to FUCKING disappear. <br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br />i give up. i&nbsp;have lost faith in so many aspects of life all i feel is guilt and angst. fuck this.&nbsp; <br />i just wish i had the balls.<br />but i dont.<br />and thus, i fail. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:abloodymelody:41098 2007-01-27T22:26:47Z 2007-01-27T22:26:47Z i wont talk about my rollercoaster of a life but ill tell you this, you always have wonderful friends to fall back on, especially ones i can call at 10 o clock at night and come to your rescue. these 3 days have been difficult but something to look forward too is my new house in the summer:&nbsp;<br /><br /><img alt="" src="http://b.im.craigslist.org/7e/J2/F4V7VsEY7tklc3jlmj1wsBy37rG7.jpg" /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br />i love jill's my space post...it made me spuds mckenzie and heather happy:) <br /><br /><br /><br /><br />oh and today is beerfest. <br /><br /> urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:abloodymelody:40857 2007-01-18T02:27:11Z 2007-01-18T02:27:11Z there are not enough words to express how i feel about my best friend and how amazing she is and how i dont think i quite make it clear to her how much good she has done in my life...<br />she has helped me through so much, her calming voices just lets you know that you are safe and sound and that EVERYTHING is going to be okay.<br />she has a warm heart with good intentions for every single one of her friends. i am just thankful to have just a tiny piece of that big warm heart.<br />i think i take it for granite sometimes that i have such a lovely girl who i can count on 24/7 and can watch episode after episode of that 70's show with..<br /><br />Chelsea LaRie Hernandez,<br />if you were a lesbian and was not going out with Jacob, would you merry me?<br /><br />ha,<br />actually<br />thank you for being the light of my fire, and someone i can always count on...<br />sorry i have been a drag lately and i would love to make it up by taking you out on a lovely date:) urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:abloodymelody:40463 2007-01-09T21:14:47Z 2007-01-09T21:14:47Z i am just sick and tired.<br /><br />i just feel taken advantage of. here i am. always there for people, but when i am in need...where is everyone?<br /><br />these past couple of days have been a struggle, my self included. just the things that i do, or say or even try and do...seems to be a downfall.<br /><br />just know that i have tried in life. but i fail. miserably. i TRY and call friends that move away, i try and be there for the ones that have broken hearts that need a mending, i try and make friends days better then the last..cause i know that... that is all we have to look forward too is tomarrow.<br /><br />i hope tomarrow will never come. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:abloodymelody:40312 2006-12-05T05:20:24Z 2006-12-05T05:20:24Z ash talking. bong. being up here in sf has made me want to move up here so much again, i thknk this time i am just going to do it! ash and josh are just so happy and the people up here are just incredible. its almost just like a whole new world up here. hippie free love. love it.<br /><br />i just want to get life organized and i know i always say this but put the important things in perspective and maybe that will help with being more on track.<br /><br />i love sf. dont want to leave.<br /><br /><br />peace. love. happiness<br />&heart; urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:abloodymelody:39963 2006-11-10T01:35:47Z 2006-11-10T01:35:47Z zues bad breath breathing heeeeey!<br /><br />woweeeee i have not been on lj in so long! reading mckenzies live journal inspired me to give some feed back on this rollercoaster of liiiiiiiiiiiiife! boy has it been an adventure! graduating high school, kids let me tell you is an adventure itself: re: rollercoaster.<br /><br />i wont go in to long page after page of story time, but ill leave you with this, and this term has never made sense to me UNTIL now.<br /><br />"live everyday with YOUR OWN thoughts and choices and make them applicable to YOU!"<br /><br />like it? i made it up. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:abloodymelody:39778 2006-04-13T16:44:33Z 2006-04-13T16:44:33Z silence ups and downs to this break. <br /><br />people are lame. i dont like the way i am being treated by two people, one of them i am related to and i can HONESTLY say that we wont be talking anymore. <br /><br />i have decided to cut things out of my life that bring me down. <br /><br />i am sick and tired of being walked all over, and the feeling. it hurts alot people! my heart cant take it anymore, i feel all achy and i just want it to stop!<br /><br />i dont dwell on people and how they treat me. i think of what i can do to make it better, the only thing i care about it MY feelings, and how it makes me feel. <br /><br />but it also makes me wonder, can a person go all through life feeling happiness every waking minute of his life? i want to know what happiness feels like once again, with out the drama with my family, and friends. people whom i care most about.<br /><br />i have felt hatred. pure hatred. and i hate that feeling. the feeling of wanting to kill some one and not give a damn. i am not a violent person, and for me to expierence hatred was almost sickning. i almost killed someone, and it felt pretty damn good.<br /><br />the other day while driving, i wanted to drive my car over a bridge after a thud hurt my heart and it would not stop beating fast and the water in my eyes stung and my body went numb.<br /><br /><br />i can feel my self wasting away here, and always feeling the combination of hurt, love, joy, hatred, and aches. i need to get away. i want to learn to NOT DWELL on the worthless, weather it things, or the person i grew to hate more and more every day.<br /><br /><br />i am over THIS way of life i have probably and most likely choose to live. i want to experience something new.<br /><br /><br />i have one brother. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:abloodymelody:39435 2006-03-10T00:22:40Z 2006-03-10T00:22:40Z stars- reunion wow, i have not written in this thing in like so long! so some new things in life have ocurred, and you all should know if not already:<br /><br />- i dropped my cell phone in the toilet a coulple of weeks ago, parents are being lame about replacing it, so i have to pay for a new phone, cause this is the fourth one i have had to replace in a year<br /> so if you have texted me, i am sorry, i am not ignoring you, its just that i have no phone, sad day.<br /><br />- i am moving on out! in july, cause thats when i will have things streightend out and what not, so yay! party everyday!<br /><br />not much has changed though, same ol same ol<br /><br />TO SHANNON: i miss you like crazy and we need to get together asap! for dinner or something! i have so much to tell you!:)<br /><br /><br />thats it for today, love ya all, and i miss jilly bean already:(<br /><br />&lt;3 urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:abloodymelody:39421 2006-01-18T06:08:13Z 2006-01-18T06:08:13Z tidel waves they rip right thru me<br />tears from eyes worn, cold and sad<br />pick me up now<br />i need you so bad. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:abloodymelody:38939 2006-01-18T06:06:10Z 2006-01-18T06:07:07Z avenged <p>this weekend was THE most vigorating weekend ever! and i am glad it was over. i am so sad it sucked balls. big hariy balls. family problems and what not right after another and they just keep oooooooooooooooon coming. fuckin lame. and a couple of my friends are moving away and i am sad:(</p> <p><strong><u><font color="#ff0000">VERY.</font></u></strong></p> <p>i hope you all had a great weekedn, and by the looks of it you did.</p> <p>ps. shannon, we <em><strong>have</strong></em> to go see that jake gyllenall movie because, and i quote after you:</p> <p><em>"this movie had me from the moment heath ledger spits on his fingers to rub on his wang to penetrate jake gyllenhall's bootyhole." </em></p> <p><em></em>&nbsp;</p> <p><em></em>&nbsp;</p> <p>love ya all. peace and love.</p> urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:abloodymelody:38800 2006-01-15T19:20:21Z 2006-01-15T19:20:21Z i think my dad hates me. hes been being so mean to me lately, just being un nessarrly mean and rude. i am sad:( i wish i could explain more about how he is mean to me, but you still wouldnt get it. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:abloodymelody:38516 2006-01-08T06:55:51Z 2006-01-08T06:55:51Z petpeeve number ONE:<br /> some one who makes plans with me, andthen a couple hours later never calls me back, basically ignoring you. fucking gay. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:abloodymelody:38271 2006-01-07T19:41:14Z 2006-01-07T19:41:14Z last night was an amazing evening with a great crowd celebrating chelsea (mommy's) birthday. 19! haha. <br /><br />the night was ok, well, i got sick and was up all night, my stomach was hurting so much:( but dinner was great, thankschelsea for being such a wonderful girl and always being there for my rescue. i love you. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:abloodymelody:37980 2006-01-06T20:39:52Z 2006-01-06T20:39:52Z july of this summer i am planning on moving out, i want to live with good friends that are willing to move out to this summer. who is up for it? urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:abloodymelody:37833 2006-01-05T01:48:18Z 2006-01-05T01:48:18Z so i am im trouble with my parents. uhm, basically i learned alot tonight about what my parents think about me:<br />1) i am not valued very much in my family<br />2) my words or opinions dont mean anything<br />3) i am just a fucked up kid with an attitude<br />4) i am not smart.<br /><br /><br />i mean i guess i brought this all on to my self, right? i mean i guess i am just a piece of shit who really whos parents think she is retarded and doesnt know anything right?<br /><br />fuck family. who needs them. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:abloodymelody:37547 2005-12-03T02:17:50Z 2005-12-03T02:17:50Z -interpol- family car trips up the coast suck balls. especially with whiny little cousins...and we did not stoip driving either...we left my house at midnight and got in to san fran about 830 ish in the morning. ahhhhh!<br /><br />so yeah right now i am in san francisco. freeezing. KIMI!!! call me!!! <br /><br /><br />i should be back home wendsday. oh yay. but i am excited to come back up here with chelsea!!! yayayayayay! <br /><br />call me if you want. i am bored out of my mind. i need a little excitement in my life right now. i hate family right now. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:abloodymelody:37204 2005-11-24T10:06:45Z 2005-11-24T10:06:45Z stars- set yourself on fire ups and downs and complete turn arounds.<br /><br /><br /><br />friends and and aquantances.<br /><br /><br />nights going in to morning. content.<br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br />...content.